Celibacy as solidarity with the poor

CELIBACY AND HOLY ORDER VIII 

As I continue trying to understand what it means to be a celibate deacon, I read as widely as I can.

I have written more than seven blog posts on the topic, but recently I came upon a unique insight in some writings of Father Ron Rolheiser, OMI. He connects celibacy to solidarity with the poor.

To sleep alone is to be poor. To sleep alone is to be stigmatized. To sleep alone is to be outside the norm for human intimacy and to feel acutely the sting of that. 

When Jesus went to bed alone, he was in solidarity with that pain, in solidarity with the poor. A vow of celibacy, whatever its negatives, also does that for a person, it puts him or her into a privileged solidarity with a special kind of poverty, the loneliness of those who sleep alone, not because they want to, but because circumstance denies them from enjoying one of the deepest human experiences that there is, sexual consummation.

Initially, I thought this a bit strange, even considering his examples.

Anyone who is because of unwanted circumstance (physical unattractiveness, emotional instability, advanced age, geographical separation, frigidity or uptightness, bad history, or simple bad luck) effectively blocked from enjoying sexual consummation is a victim of a most painful poverty.

But a few weeks ago, I began to see what this might mean.

The pastor has me do the final interview of couples before they get married. He had interviewed them at the beginning of the marriage preparation process. Then their formation consists of twelve themes, which are given in their respective communities. After this,  I interview them and two witnesses – mostly to assure that there are no obstacles or impediments.

Some of the couples have lived together, often for years, and have children. Yet there are a good number who have lived separately.

Some of the questions are quite personal, but others are quite straightforward: “Do you know and accept that Catholic marriage is for life?” I sometimes add, to emphasize the importance of this, “Will you still be faithful, if you have to feed and bathe your spouse who is confined to bed and cannot work?”

One young man noted that he had been taking care of his spouse when she confined to bed after a difficult birth. 

I was amazed.

Here is “love in action,” a great example for us celibates. And Rolheiser’s remarks began to make sense.

Love, even celibate love, makes sense when we continue to love and pour ourselves out to other, when sexual relations are not possible or when we have chosen to abstain.

Many people find themselves in situations in which they are unable to express their love with sexual intimacy. They sleep alone. Some because of health issues. 

But I also think of the women whose husbands have left for the US or for one of the large cities in Honduras, looking for work to sustain the family. Their poverty had provoked a separation – perhaps for years. She is alone.

I think of the women whose husbands have been murdered or have been jailed. I recall a woman whose companion was murdered. She had a miscarriage a while before and was pregnant at the time of his death.

I think of the women who have fled violence and war, especially now as thousands flee the war in Ukraine.

There are more situations of people who are forced to sleep alone.

But I return to the young man who cared for his spouse, sleeping alone because of her sickness, but obviously loving and caring for her and for their children.

• Does my celibacy have that self-giving love? 

• Does my celibacy open me to love and open my heart to those who find themselves alone? 

• Does my celibacy open me to a solitude that bears fruit in solidarity? 

• Does my celibacy move me to go out from my comfort zones to love and accompany those who yearn for love? 
• 
  
• Is my celibacy open to self-giving love? 

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Quotes are from Fr. Ron Rolheiser’s columns, “In Exile,” and can be found on page 72 of Ronald Rolheiser: Essential Spiritual Writings (Modern Spiritual Masters), published by Orbis Books.

A new directory for US deacons; some initial reactions

As the only permanent deacon in my diocese and one of only four ordained in Honduras, I am always looking for inspiration and guidance in my diaconal ministry.

There is a fair amount of material written in English, mostly in the United States, that I find helpful, especially the writings of Deacons William Ditewig, Greg Kendra, Tim O’Donnell, and James Keating, as well as those of Bishop W. Shawn McKnight. The translations of articles and compilations of the Italian deacon Enzo Petrolino are very helpful.

There is some limited material available in Spanish. I am in the middle reading a magisterial work of a Dominican priest, José Gabriel Mesa Angulo, O.P., who has also led several on-line educational sessions, mostly through the Red Iberoamericana de Diáconos Permanentes, which has a Facebook page and a WhatsApp chat group. In addition, there is Servir en las periferias which has a webpage and a monthly digital publication.

So, when I heard that the US bishops had published a new edition of The National Directory for the Formation, Ministry and Life of Permanent Deacons in the United States, I was anxious to read it.

I wasn’t disappointed. 

Below I will share some initial reactions to the document. 

Though most of the book deals with the processes of formation of the permanent deacon in a US perspective, the first two chapters provide short discussions of the “Doctrinal Understanding of the Diaconate” and “The Ministry and Life of Deacons.”

The directory weeks to provides a doctrinal and pastoral understanding of the deacon and his three-fold ministry of word, liturgy, and charity. Much of this is a review of what has been taught about the permanent diaconate during its more than fifty years of existence. But there are seven aspects of the directory which provide the basis for further discussion and study – as well as implementation. 

1) The baptismal roots of the diaconate

The diaconal vocation is rooted in the Sacraments of Christian Initiation. The sacrament is described in relation to the baptismal call to holiness.

In Baptism, each disciple received the universal call to holiness. In the reception of the Sacrament of Holy Orders, the deacon received a “new consecration” to God through which he is configured to Christ the Servant and sent opt serve God’s People. (258)

In particular, the deacon “should feel encouraged to foster closeness between the ordained ministry and lay activities, in common service to the Kingdom of God.” (31)

2) The deacon and the laity

The ministry of the deacon is intimately connected with the apostolate of all the people of God. In particular, citing Pope Saint John Paul II, the deacon’s tasks include that of ‘promoting and sustaining the apostolic activities of the laity’.” (31)

Deacons are “at the service of the People of God” (29), called to lead “the community to reflect on its communion and mission in Jesus Christ, especially impelling the community of believers to lead lives of service.” (34)

3) The importance of service, especially of the poor and suffering

Though the directory insists on the three-fold ministry of the deacon (word, liturgy, charity), there is an emphasis on the ministry to the poor. “The deacon is to cultivate an imagination that takes him to the heart of human need.” (90) And so the deacon has a special role:

In a world hungry and thirsty for convincing signs of the compassion and liberating love of God, the deacon sacramentalizes the mission of the Church in his words and deeds, responding to the Master’s command of service and providing real-life examples of how to carry it out. (40)

I was also very pleased to see the emphasis on study of Catholic social teaching and putting it into practice, not just seeing the deacon as one who does charitable works.

4) The deacon: bringing the needs of the suffering to the table of the Lord

Tim O’Donnell’s recent book, The Deacon: Icon of Christ the Servant, Minister of the Threshold, notes the connection between the church and the world and the deacon’s role. The directory, though using different language, points to the need to connect the sanctuary and the everyday world, especially the needs of the poor.

For the Church gathered at worship, moreover, the ministry of the deacon is a visible, grace-filled sign of the integral connection between sharing at the Lord’s eucharistic table and serving the many hungers felt so keenly by all God’s children.(35)

5) The deacon and the everyday world

Citing,Pope Saint John Paul II, the directory notes that

A deeply felt need in the decision to reestablish the permanent diaconate was and is that of a greater and more direct presence of Church ministers in the various spheres of the family work, school, etc. (31)

Thus, the directory continues:

The deacon, because of his familiarity with the day-to-day realities and rhythms of the family, neighborhood, and workplace, can relate the rich tradition of Catholic teaching to the practical problems experienced by people. (31)

In particular, the directory notes how this can witness to “the gospel value of sacrificial love” and make evident ‘the dignity of human work.” This offers “an opportunity and obligation for deacons in their secular professions to boldly proclaim and witness to the Gospel of life.” (31)

Therefore, “A good knowledge of [the social doctrine of the Church] will permit many deacons to mediate it in their different professions, at work, and in their families.” (260)

In a pointed remark, the directory notes that 

“The deacon is ordained precisely for service in both the sanctuary and the marketplace.” (64) 

6) Cultural sensitivity

The directory calls for formation of the deacons that opens them to cultural sensitivity, even suggesting that deacons might learn a second language to serve different communities in the diocese. 

7) Married and celibate deacons

Some celibate deacons have felt left out in some discussions of the diaconate. These include those who are ordained as celibates and those who are widowed.

On a personal note, I am a celibate deacon and have been trying to develop a spirituality of the celibate deacon. I am glad that our presence is being addressed (though I have never felt left out).

The directory acknowledges the presence of celibate and widowed deacons and offers a few suggestions in the formation and ongoing life of these men – including some initial remarks on the celibate deacon (75-77) and the widowed deacon (79-81).

These and other parts of the document can help us deepen an understanding of the different ways in which the diaconate is lived. 

Though the modern permanent diaconate is over fifty years old, I think we are still in our childhood or adolescence in developing our theology and spirituality. This document can help us in this endeavor to be servants of God and the People of God.

Celibacy and happiness

CELIBACY AND HOLY ORDERS VII

For at least three years, one passage of Psalm 16 has challenged me in trying to live as a celibate diaconate: 

I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord. My happiness lies in you alone.” 

I know that I seek happiness in many things, many experiences. But I do long to be able to pray this verse with my whole heart.

A celibate deacon may experience many temptations to seek happiness, or pleasure, in what is not really fulfilling. There are, obviously, sexual temptations of many sorts, from masturbation to sexual fantasy to viewing pornography – but these leave us empty. 

There is also the more subtle temptation to seek our happiness in what we do as deacons, longing for success or looking for adulation for our ministry.

There is also the temptation to power, to use our ministry not to serve others but to enhance our power and “authority” in the church and the world. This is the temptation to a clericalism that offers honors and positions as substitutes for humble unknown service. 

So, the critical question for us is found in Psalm 4,

“What can bring us happiness?” many say.”

Reading Ronald Rolheiser’s The Fire Within: Desire, Sexuality, Longing, and God, I begun to see the question of happiness in a different light.

No longer are these passages merely an indictment of my failure to put my trust in God alone. They reveal our nature, our destiny, who we are – persons who cannot find our true happiness in the limited. As Saint Augustine wrote in Confessions, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.”

We are barren and cannot find fulness in this life:

“Barrenness describes the universal human condition in its incapacity to be generative in the way it would like and the vacuum and frustration this leaves inside lives. No matter if we have biological children of our own or not, we still all find ourselves barren in that none of us are finished here on earth.” (p. 43)

We long for intimacy, for fulfillment. But we need to recognize that the ultimate intimacy is with God. Henri Nouwen puts it well in Clowning in Rome: Reflections on Solitude, Celibacy. Prayer, and Contemplation:

“…all human intimacy finds its deepest meaning and fulfillment when it is experienced and lived as a participation in the intimacy of God alone. The celibate man or woman proclaims this hope by recognizing, receiving, and living the gift of celibacy.” (p. 37).

Those who are married experience this in one way, remembering that nothing limited can fulfill our longing for the infinite, for God. But we celibates are called to live out our essential emptiness in another way, as a sign for others. As Nouwen wrote:

“Celibates live out a holy emptiness by not marrying, by not trying to build for themselves a house or a fortune, by not trying to wield as much influence as possible, and by not filling their lives with events, people, or creations for which they will be remembered. The hope is that by their ‘empty’ lives, God will be more readily recognized as the source of all human life and activity. “(p. 47).

This means that we need to develop a prayer life that nurtures our intimacy with God, opens us to a healthy intimacy with others, and put all our life in perspective. The we may be able to pray these words of Psalm 4:

You have put into my heart a greater joy than they have from abundance of grain and new wine.

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A future post will consider celibacy, intimacy, and friendship.

Previous posts on celibacy

“The Joy of Love for Celibates,” October 22, 2015

https://walktheway.wordpress.com/2015/10/22/the-joy-of-love-for-celibates/

“The Promise of Celibacy,” July 3, 2016 

https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2016/07/promise-of-celibacy.html

“Celibacy and Holy Orders I: Some misunderstandings of the celibate deacon,” January 13, 2020

https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2020/01/celibacy-and-holy-orders-i.html

“Celibacy and Holy Orders II: Celibacy and Latin Rite Catholic priests: an exception for the Amazon? Why permanent deacons probably aren’t enough?” January 16, 2020

https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2020/01/celibacy-and-holy-orders-ii.html

“Celibacy and Holy Orders III: The married deacon’s challenge to the celibate deacons,” Janaury 17, 2020.

https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2020/01/celibacy-and-holy-orders-iii.html

“Celibacy and Holy Orders IV: Two new books for celibate clerics,” January 31, 2020

https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2020/01/celibacy-and-holy-orders-iv.html

"Celibacy and Holy Orders V: The undivided heart of the married and celibate deacon, " May 26, 2020 https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2020/05/celibacy-and-holy-orders-v.html

"Celibacy and Holy Orders VI: The Celibate Deacon as Older Brother," November 3, 2020 

https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2020/11/celibacy-and-deacon-vi.html

Celibacy and Holy Orders V

5. The undivided heart of the married and celibate deacon

As a celibate permanent deacon, I continually struggle to be faithful to my promise of celibacy. It’s not easy; I fail and sin, but I seek God’s forgiveness and strength to be a sign of Christ the Servant.

To help me in my personal growth as well as to better understand celibacy, I recently read Donald Cozzens’ Freeing Celibacy. The author is clearly open to married priests in the Latin rite of the Catholic Church. (Interestingly, he writes nothing here about married deacons.) But he writes very positively about what he calls “charismatic celibacy.” I’ll return to this and a few other points in future posts.

A few months ago I wrote about what the celibate deacon can learn from married deacons. Cozzens ’critique of arguments often given for celibacy have helped me to think more deeply about both married and celibate deacons. Though he was writing about mandatory celibacy for priests, his arguments may help us lay aside some approaches to celibacy that need to be carefully critiqued.

CELIBACY FOR THE KINGDOM OF GOD

In the ordination rite, the bishop asks the celibate candidates:

…are you resolved, as a sign of your interior dedication to Christ, to remain celibate for the sake of the kingdom and in lifelong service to God and mankind? [Italics mine]

I was very happy to be able to say, “Si, quiero. – Yes. I wish so.”

For me, the Kingdom of God is central to Jesus’s ministry. He came and preached that “The Kingdom has come near” (Mathew 3:2). As I understand this, Jesus came and revealed the Kingdom in his life and his being. I believe that we are called to be signs of that Kingdom in all we do – both as individuals and as the church.

But Cozzens pointedly asks, “Does [the argument of celibacy for the kingdom] not reveal an outdated dualistic theological anthropology?... Is there not an implicit assertion that married priests are less committed to the kingdom of heaven? Finally, are not all sacramental marriages oriented to the kingdom of heaven? Finally, are not all Christians, because of their baptismal dignity, committed to the kingdom of heaven?” (Cozzens, 98)

We are all called to live the Kingdom in our lives. The centrality of the Kingdom is not an argument for celibacy – but it might help us clear up what should be the focus of celibacy: living for the Kingdom and living the Kingdom.

AN UNDIVIDED HEART

Cozzens also mentions that one argument given for obligatory celibacy is that celibacy is a sign of an undivided heart. The celibate can concentrate on love of God.

I think that the argument that celibacy is a way for the cleric to be solely fixed on God may be one of the most problematic arguments.

Canon 277.1 of the Canon Law of the Church states: “Celibacy is a special gift of God by which sacred ministers can more easily remain close to Christ with an undivided heart, and can dedicate themselves more freely to the service of God and their neighbor.”

In the Rite of ordination, the bishop notes that” “By this consecration you will adhere more easily to Christ with an undivided heart; you will be more freely at the service of God and mankind, and you will be more untrammeled in the ministry of Christian conversion and rebirth.”

I’m not sure that celibacy makes it easier to remain close to Christ, but it does remind us of the need to adhere to Christ with all our heart. I’ll return to this in a later post, reflecting on Psalm 16:2: “My happiness lies in You alone,” from the perspective of a celibate deacon.

But still I wonder if the “undivided heart” argument is sometimes interpreted in dualistic, Manichean ways. To repeat what Cozzens writes about “celibacy for the Kingdom”: 

Who can attest that the heart of the married deacon (or the married priests of the Eastern Rites or the married priests who were ministers before becoming Catholic)? And who can say that a married person’s heart is divided?

I think that what is at stake here is a question of spirituality.

I would suggest that married people’s hearts might also be undivided because they have an incarnational spirituality which moves them to see and respond to God present in their spouse.

When asked by a scholar of the Law, Jesus identified the greatest commandment: 

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22: 37-40)

These commandment of love are not seen in competition, nor merely as complementary. They are, I believe, essentially united. They are intimately linked as John says in his first letter (1 John 4: 20-21) “Whoever does not love ta brother he has seen cannot love God he hasn’t see…. “Whoever loves God must also love his brother.”

Maybe, then, instead of contrasting the celibate and the married person, we need to look at another metaphor. Rather than speak about the undivided heart, might it be better to speak about the heart big enough to love, to love God above all and one’s neighbor as oneself.

The married deacon makes it clear that love in the family, married love, is a place where God is made known and where God’s love is made real. Daily he is challenged to love his family and in that way let the love of God be made known in the world.

The celibate deacon can claim to love God – but is his love really love or is it a form of self-satisfying individualism? That’s a question I often ask myself.

What is needed is a deeper understanding of celibacy, especially for the celibate deacon. What is the charism of celibacy? More on this in later posts.

CELIBACY IS NOT MOSTLY FUNCTIONAL

One way to interpret the argument of the undivided heart is to postulate that the cleric has more time for all that is demanded in the service of God. Some suggest that celibacy helps clerics “more freely dedicate themselves to the service of God and humankind?” (Cozzens, 99). But I think that is a merely functional argument.

But, unless there is a deep spirituality of celibate love, the celibate cleric may not easily resist the temptations of seeking control, being a free agent. He might resent the demands and the needs of others instead of seeing then as opportunities for him to let the love of God shine through him. Without the demands of caring for a spouse and a family, he could easily take his desires as absolutes and close himself on himself. This may happen in marriages, but the temptation is strong to consider oneself the center of the universe or, at the very least, the parish. I know.

CELIBACY AS A WAY OF LOVE AND INTIMACY

The challenge is to understand celibacy as a way of love and intimacy. Donal Dorr in a 2004 article on celibacy in The Furrow (55 [3]) noted that “All of us are called to be loving people.” (p. 138)

But how to we live this love? That is a crucial question and a challenge for all followers of Christ. 

In addition, it's important to recognize that celibate love must involve intimacy. As Cozzens writes:

“Celibacy is not an alternative to intimacy, but a different — often a more difficult — way of achieving intimacy. Anyone who is celibate must make a commitment to developing a love that is deeply personal as well as universal in scope. 

 

“Intimacy involves being present to the other with transparency and trust.” (141)

And so the challenge is to articulate a spirituality of celibacy that is truly loving of God, truly embracing all of life, and which involves real intimacy.

I’ll try to write on this in future posts.

Previous posts on celibacy

“The Joy of Love for Celibates,” October 22, 2015

https://walktheway.wordpress.com/2015/10/22/the-joy-of-love-for-celibates/

“The Promise of Celibacy,” July 3, 2016 https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2016/07/promise-of-celibacy.html

“Celibacy and Holy Orders I: Some misunderstandings of the celibate deacon,” January 13, 2020

https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2020/01/celibacy-and-holy-orders-i.html

“Celibacy and Holy Orders II: Celibacy and Latin Rite Catholic priests: an exception for the Amazon? Why permanent deacons probably aren’t enough?” January 16, 2020

https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2020/01/celibacy-and-holy-orders-ii.html

“Celibacy and Holy Orders III: The married deacon’s challenge to the celibate deacons,” Janaury 17, 2020.

https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2020/01/celibacy-and-holy-orders-iii.html

“Celibacy and Holy Orders IV: Two new books for celibate clerics,” January 31, 2020

https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2020/01/celibacy-and-holy-orders-iv.html

Celibacy and Holy Orders IV

Two new books for celibate clerics

I just finished reading two books that might be helpful for developing a spirituality and a theology of the celibate deacon.

James Keating’s Remain in Me: Holy Orders, Prayer, and Ministry is a masterful and challenging work on the spirituality of the cleric. He writes for the most part to married deacons and celibate priests, but much of what he has written has proved helpful for this celibate deacon.

Two quotes especially struck me:

“There is only one reasons God calls a man to celibacy: he wants the man’s full attention, so that he can satisfy the man’s need for love.” (Kindle location 1525)

“The mysticism of celibacy proclaims that in binding one’s life to God’s infinitely generous love, a man gives himself away with universal love for the “many” (see Matt 26:28.)” (Kindle location 1527)

My one concern is that there is almost nothing specifically addressed to the celibate permanent deacon but he refers to a few pages he wrote on the celibate deacon in The Heart of the Diaconate, which I had found very helpful.

 But I yearn for more – especially in terms of the celibate deacon who is wholly involved in a non-church job. I work full-time in a parish and so his remarks on celibacy for priests are very helpful, but I wonder if we need more reflection on the celibate permanent deacon in the world.

Luanne Zurlo’s Single for a Greater Purpose: A Hidden Joy in the Catholic Church might provide a few clues for at least part of this. Her work is really an apologia vitae for the “dedicated single,” the lay celibate who has no connection to a religious order or secular institute and is not a consecrated virgin. The first seven chapters are a thoughtful reflection on the vocation of the celibate. The remaining chapters are focused on her vocation as a "dedicated single."

One sentence, though, got me wondering about how this might refer to us celibate deacons.

“…someone called to a dedicated-single vocation is called to the lay state. And the laity are called to work in the world, as compared with the clergy or traditional religious orders, who are called to bring Christ to the world from outside the world.” (Kindle location 1435)

Where is the permanent deacon in this? Many, if not most, permanent deacons are called to work in the world and sanctify it from within. Their “worldly” jobs are places where they show the gospel. Yet, they bring this world with them when they assist at the Eucharist as deacons. Do they not, in some sense, break the duality of the world and the church, the workplace and the altar?

This is an aspect of the diaconate that needs to be more developed, both in terms of spirituality and practice.

Celibacy and Holy Orders III

The married deacon’s challenge to the celibate deacons

As I began to reflect on the spirituality of the celibate permanent deacon, I asked myself: “What can I learn from the experience of married deacons.

Reflecting on this, I came upon two different books that helped me to see that one of my temptations as a celibate permanent deacon is to think of myself as a “free agent.”

I may have my sources of income from outside the church structure, in my case, Social Security and some IRA funds. I do not depend on the church for my sustenance.

But even more problematic for me as retired is that I have no responsibilities outside those I have within the church structure.

The married deacon has responsibilities to his family, whether employed by the church or not, whether retired or working.

In his marriage the married deacon is called to live out his union with God in a very special way, in the complete giving of oneself, in one’s vulnerability, to the other -  first of all, to his spouse and family.

The temptation is to be an independent agent, fulfilling my own agenda. Spouses respond to the needs of the other spouse. Parents find themselves being at the service of their children. The celibate deacon could very easily fall prey to an approach to ministry that is more business-like, focused on functions, job descriptions, less open to the insistent demands of love. Without realizing it, he might treat the diaconate as a career, as a way to do things, rather than a calling, a way of life; in this framework, the deacon has tasks to fulfill in a certain period of time that he devotes to work. It is thus important to recognize the gift of the married deacon.

Last fall, while visiting the parish of Saint Thomas Aquinas in Ames, Iowa, where I worked in campus ministry and social ministry as a layman, I came across an insightful book by the wife of a current member of the staff. In Embracing Weakness, Sharon Evans writes:

It is laudable but not exceedingly difficult to honor the dignity of a child when you get to go home later and read a book or eat a full meal uninterrupted. Parenting is an intense road to sanctification, and the ride is a bumpy one. (Shannon K. Evans, Embracing Weakness, p. 97.)

The celibate deacon can come home and his only concern might be to make dinner or make some home repairs. He does not need to respond to the demands of the married life – a sick child, an unexpected expense, a spouse worried about the behavior of one of the children, and much more. He is often free to choose what he wants to do with his time off from ministry. He may embrace babies in ministry situations but doesn't often change their diapers.

But the demands of family life can be as school for holiness, a way of serving in unexpected and unplanned ways.

As Father Ronald Rolheiser, OMI, writes in Domestic Monastery:

Any mother or father, while raising children, perhaps in a more privileged way even than a professional contemplative, is forced, almost against the will, to constantly stretch the heart. For years, while raising children, her or his time is never her or his own. Personal needs have to be kept in second place, and every time a parent turns around a hand is reaching out and demanding something. (Ronald Rolheiser, Domestic Monastery, p. 20.)

How am I as a celibate deacon called to let my heart be stretched by the needs around me? Or do I merely choose what I want to be involved in, something that “fulfills” me or fills my ego?

Yesterday was one of those days when I was stretched.

I like to have things planned. I like to do things in an organized way and be in control.

Two nights ago, after Mass in a rural village, my pastor asked me to talked to a woman who was extremely distressed. We talked for almost half an hour and I suggested that tomorrow I could take her to Santa Rosa to talk with some people who might be able to help her, both in terms of the problem and in terms of her psychological stress.  Yesterday, I went to the village very early, since I was bringing people from there to the parish coffee field to work. We talked again for about twenty minutes. She was reluctant to go – partly at the urging of her family. Finally, I made sure that she had my phone number and told her to call me if she changed her mind.

When I arrived at the coffee field, our pastor asked me to talk with someone who was caring for her nephew and nieces who had been brought to be with her. Their mother had been killed in Guatemala where they had been living and they were without familiar support there. But the aunt is extremely poor. I talked briefly with her and am trying to see if something can be done to help the children even more.

I got home after taking the workers I had picked up in the morning. Their village is about 50 minutes from where I live and where the parish coffee field is. When I got home, I had driven more than three and a half hours. Not uncommon in our parish – and not really a burden. I find that I can often do a lot of reflection while driving, even as I try to avoid potholes and go carefully around the curves.

I was doing some writing when I heard someone call a variation of my name: “Juanito.” I went out and talked for about twenty minutes with a young man from Guatemala who was working in the coffee fields around here. I had first met him and his family as they were walking from San Agustín to Plan Grande way back in April. I had not seen him until about a week ago when he came asking help for his sick two year old. After I saw him, he took his family back to Guatemala to see if there was any way to help the child. A private clinic told him that a procedure costing three thousand quetzales, was needed. Although only about $400, it was more than they could afford and so he returned here to work. We talked, with some difficulty since his first language is one of the indigenous languages of Guatemala. He left after a while.

My first reaction when I saw him was to hope that this would not be long, but then I found myself stretched to listen to him and to begin to think about how to respond.

These three encounters remind me of the need to let myself be stretched by the needs and demands of others. I cannot solve all of them but I can, at the very least listen. In this way I can let God stretch me and open me to a deeper love. As Guy Mansini wrote to James Keating, “the way of the diaconate in each new epoch is one of incarnating the eager availability of Christ to serve the deepest human needs.” (James Keating, “Identity and Holiness,” in James Keating, ed., The Character of the Deacon,  p, 123.)

This is part of the kenotic availability which God offers us deacons. It is extremely important that we celibate deacons respond. Our brother married deacons are called to be available to their families and, in the family, learn how to serve without counting the cost, ready to respond as a spouse or parent responds to the call of love.