Celibacy and happiness

CELIBACY AND HOLY ORDERS VII

For at least three years, one passage of Psalm 16 has challenged me in trying to live as a celibate diaconate: 

I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord. My happiness lies in you alone.” 

I know that I seek happiness in many things, many experiences. But I do long to be able to pray this verse with my whole heart.

A celibate deacon may experience many temptations to seek happiness, or pleasure, in what is not really fulfilling. There are, obviously, sexual temptations of many sorts, from masturbation to sexual fantasy to viewing pornography – but these leave us empty. 

There is also the more subtle temptation to seek our happiness in what we do as deacons, longing for success or looking for adulation for our ministry.

There is also the temptation to power, to use our ministry not to serve others but to enhance our power and “authority” in the church and the world. This is the temptation to a clericalism that offers honors and positions as substitutes for humble unknown service. 

So, the critical question for us is found in Psalm 4,

“What can bring us happiness?” many say.”

Reading Ronald Rolheiser’s The Fire Within: Desire, Sexuality, Longing, and God, I begun to see the question of happiness in a different light.

No longer are these passages merely an indictment of my failure to put my trust in God alone. They reveal our nature, our destiny, who we are – persons who cannot find our true happiness in the limited. As Saint Augustine wrote in Confessions, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.”

We are barren and cannot find fulness in this life:

“Barrenness describes the universal human condition in its incapacity to be generative in the way it would like and the vacuum and frustration this leaves inside lives. No matter if we have biological children of our own or not, we still all find ourselves barren in that none of us are finished here on earth.” (p. 43)

We long for intimacy, for fulfillment. But we need to recognize that the ultimate intimacy is with God. Henri Nouwen puts it well in Clowning in Rome: Reflections on Solitude, Celibacy. Prayer, and Contemplation:

“…all human intimacy finds its deepest meaning and fulfillment when it is experienced and lived as a participation in the intimacy of God alone. The celibate man or woman proclaims this hope by recognizing, receiving, and living the gift of celibacy.” (p. 37).

Those who are married experience this in one way, remembering that nothing limited can fulfill our longing for the infinite, for God. But we celibates are called to live out our essential emptiness in another way, as a sign for others. As Nouwen wrote:

“Celibates live out a holy emptiness by not marrying, by not trying to build for themselves a house or a fortune, by not trying to wield as much influence as possible, and by not filling their lives with events, people, or creations for which they will be remembered. The hope is that by their ‘empty’ lives, God will be more readily recognized as the source of all human life and activity. “(p. 47).

This means that we need to develop a prayer life that nurtures our intimacy with God, opens us to a healthy intimacy with others, and put all our life in perspective. The we may be able to pray these words of Psalm 4:

You have put into my heart a greater joy than they have from abundance of grain and new wine.

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A future post will consider celibacy, intimacy, and friendship.

Previous posts on celibacy

“The Joy of Love for Celibates,” October 22, 2015

https://walktheway.wordpress.com/2015/10/22/the-joy-of-love-for-celibates/

“The Promise of Celibacy,” July 3, 2016 

https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2016/07/promise-of-celibacy.html

“Celibacy and Holy Orders I: Some misunderstandings of the celibate deacon,” January 13, 2020

https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2020/01/celibacy-and-holy-orders-i.html

“Celibacy and Holy Orders II: Celibacy and Latin Rite Catholic priests: an exception for the Amazon? Why permanent deacons probably aren’t enough?” January 16, 2020

https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2020/01/celibacy-and-holy-orders-ii.html

“Celibacy and Holy Orders III: The married deacon’s challenge to the celibate deacons,” Janaury 17, 2020.

https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2020/01/celibacy-and-holy-orders-iii.html

“Celibacy and Holy Orders IV: Two new books for celibate clerics,” January 31, 2020

https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2020/01/celibacy-and-holy-orders-iv.html

"Celibacy and Holy Orders V: The undivided heart of the married and celibate deacon, " May 26, 2020 https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2020/05/celibacy-and-holy-orders-v.html

"Celibacy and Holy Orders VI: The Celibate Deacon as Older Brother," November 3, 2020 

https://hermanojuancito.blogspot.com/2020/11/celibacy-and-deacon-vi.html