Preaching on divorce in light of Pope Francis

Tonight I have to preach in Dulce Nombre at a Celebration of the Word with Communion, following a Holy Hour. IT is sponsored by the Family Ministry group in Dulce Nombre which has been sponsoring these Holy Hours and either Masses or Celebrations in different neighborhoods of the city on Fridays, in an effort to strengthen the families.

Padre German is out of town and asked me to preside tonight (as I did last Friday). But the Gospel reading is Jesus speaking on divorce, Matthew 19: 3-12.

I know there will be married couples there as well as single mothers, abandoned by the fathers of their children, and perhaps unmarried couples. What can I say?

I have decided that the best I can do is to read a few passages of Pope Francis’s Apostolic Exhortation on the Family, Amoris Laetitia – The Joy of Love. I won’t preach all that I’m writing here, but I want to share what is behind my preaching tonight.

First of all, the Pope acknowledges that divorce is an evil.

“Divorce is an evil and the increasing number of divorces is very troubling.” (AL, 246)

But he also recognizes that there are times when separation is called for:

In some cases, respect for one’s own dig­nity and the good of the children requires not giving in to excessive demands or preventing a grave injustice, violence or chronic ill-treatment. In such cases, “separation becomes inevitable. At times it even becomes morally necessary, pre­cisely when it is a matter of removing the more vulnerable spouse or young children from seri­ous injury due to abuse and violence, from hu­miliation and exploitation, and from disregard and indifference”. Even so, “separation must be considered as a last resort, after all other rea­sonable attempts at reconciliation have proved vain”. (AL, 241)

And thus there is the need to accompany the divorced and separated.

But Pope Francis recognizes that we need to find ways to prevent what leads to divorce and separation.

He is well aware of the cultural frameworks that have contributed to the growing numbers of divorce. In paragraph 39, he notes several of them, including, first of all, the prevalence of a “culture of the provisional.” (The English, which I believe is a poor translation, speaks of a culture of the “ephemeral.” The Italian is “cultura del provvisorio” and the Spanish is “cultura de lo provisorio”.)

“Here I think, for example, of the speed with which people move from one affective rela­tionship to another. They believe, along the lines of social networks, that love can be connected or disconnected at the whim of the consumer, and the relationship quickly “blocked.” (AL, 39)

This culture of the provisional, the short-term, emphasized in popular films and television shows, makes it hard for couples to value the long-term commitment needed for marriage.

But there is also the problem of unrealistic expectations of what marriage is or can be. As Pope Francis notes:

Among the causes of broken marriages are unduly high expectations about conjugal life. Once it becomes apparent that the reality is more limited and challenging than one imagined, the solution is not to think quickly and irresponsibly about separation, but to come to the sober real­ization that married life is a process of growth, in which each spouse is God’s means of helping the other to mature. (AL, 221)

Marriage is not something easy. If we don’t present marriage with all its challenges as well as its joys, we are not preparing them for the real life of marriage.

But there are also some problems that can undermine marriage. Pope Francis rightly notes the lack of self-knowledge and of mutual knowledge and understanding.

…Sadly, many couples marry without really knowing one another. They have enjoyed each other’s company and done things together, but without facing the challenge of revealing them­selves and coming to know who the other person truly is. (AL, 210)

Couples need to know who they are, share who they are, and know the other person. This is not a task that is done in an instant, or even in a year or two. It is a lifelong challenge, which can also become a joy and consolation as we get to know ourselves and our spouses more deeply.

The pope is not afraid to say that sometimes the Church itself has not helped couples to maintain their sacramental commitment. Sometimes it has presented an overly strict understanding of the sacrament with its continuing challenges, often in a very defensive way:

… Yet we have often been on the defensive, wasting pastoral energy on denounc­ing a decadent world without being proactive in proposing ways of finding true happiness. Many people feel that the Church’s message on mar­riage and the family does not clearly reflect the preaching and attitudes of Jesus, who set forth a demanding ideal yet never failed to show com­passion and closeness to the frailty of individuals like the Samaritan woman or the woman caught in adultery. (AL, 38)

In addition, the church has sometime so emphasized only one aspect of the sacrament, the procreative:

we often present marriage in such a way that its unitive meaning, its call to grow in love and its ideal of mutual assistance are overshadowed by an almost exclusive insistence on the duty of procreation. (AL, 36)

What is to be done then?

Speaking about divorce, Pope Francis wrote:

our most important pastoral task with regard to families is to strengthen their love, helping to heal wounds and working to prevent the spread of this drama of our times. (AL, 246)

And so we must, above all, help couples before marriage, couples living together without being married, and married couples grow in love.

As Pope Francis notes in the last section of the exhortation: we need a spirituality of care, consolation, and encouragement. (Here I again find the English translation problematic. The Spanish reads “Espiritualidad del cuidado, del consuelo y del stimulo”; the Italian reads “Spiritualità della cura, della consolazione e dello stimulo.” The English translation is “A Spirituality of Care, consolation and Incitement.”) Pope Francis is somewhat poetic:

“Christian couples are, for each other, for their children and for their relatives, cooperators of grace and witnesses of the faith.” God calls them to bestow life and to care for life. For this reason, the family “has always been the nearest ‘hospital’.” So let us care for one another, guide and encourage one another, and experience this as a part of our family spirituality. Life as a cou­ple is a daily sharing in God’s creative work, and each person is for the other a constant challenge from the Holy Spirit. God’s love is proclaimed “through the living and concrete word whereby a man and the woman express their conjugal love.” The two are thus mutual reflections of that divine love which comforts with a word, a look, a helping hand, a caress, an embrace. For this reason, “to want to form a family is to resolve to be a part of God’s dream, to choose to dream with him, to want to build with him, to join him in this saga of building a world where no one will feel alone.” (AL, 321)

So, in face of divorce, we need to help people dream and make their dreams real.

But this requires the commitment of the community. Marriage cannot be lived alone. A family needs a large community. Marriage needs a culture of love, of sharing, of care, of giving oneself for others.

Marriage needs the continuing grace of God - and the support of the community.

Two weeks in July

Two weeks have gone by since I wrote about my life here in the parish. Tuesday night I decided to write something. The electric went off and so I wrote with battery power and decided to revise and post when the electricity and the internet return. The internet didn’t return, but I’m sending this from Dulce Nombre.

“What do you do each day?” some people continue to ask me. But there is no regular day in this ministry. There are planned events but there much depends on the needs of the people.

It is still raining often, but the days are usually hot and sunny and so the roads are passable – though I came across a landslide this morning.

I have had training for catechists in the zones of the parish. This is a lot of fun and it challenges me – to find ways to help them reach the young people.

But one of the joys have been teaching them how to read the scriptures using different methods. One is a form of Ignatian contemplation in which they place themselves in the situation and pay attention to their senses and feelings; the other is a form of lectio divina in which I have them listen silently and attentively to a reading and, when a word or a phrase strikes them, to stay with the word and pray with it.

I also have been teaching them a few new icebreakers. Some of the groups are more open to these and really get into them. There’s one I have been using at the beginning of the workshops that has them laughing and smiling – a real icebreaker.

I’ll have two more sets of meeting with catechists this year. Next year I’m thinking of trying to have a more systematic approach to the workshops.

I’ve met with youth leaders once last month and hope to meet with several of the groups that are meeting in about nine places in the parish. One of the difficulties I see them having is retention. I really have to get some help. Also, finding times to get the leaders together has been difficult. Many of the young people either work or study on the weekends.

I have continued to accompany our pastor, Padre German, for at least one Sunday Mass and, when I can, to a few Masses during the week. Most of the time he has me preach – to give him a break from his four or five Masses every Sunday.

I got a taste of his Sunday workout a few weeks ago. He was gone for a national congress on the family and he asked me to lead Celebrations of the Word with Communion in three municipal centers. It was a workout – not just preaching but also presiding and distributing Communion. I was exhausted after three Celebrations. He called me late in the afternoon and told me that he would get back in time for the seven o’clock Mass in Dulce Nombre. Thank God.

I’ve had one funeral, which we celebrated in the home – partly because the church was being painted. The house was right beside the church. The people had asked for the service in the house. I was a little reluctant at first but changed my mind when I was the church. My concern is that it is important to see that the service is a commendation of the deceased on the part of the church. As he or she was received in the church at Baptism, we want to send the body of the deceased from the church. I decided that a way to show this would be to bring the Paschal Candle to the house and put it by the coffin.

This past Sunday I baptized a young woman at Mass after a few hours of intense discussion with people over a delicate situation. Ministry can be quite complicated.

After Mass I went with Padre German as he anointed and gave Communion to a 92 year-old man who is probably near death. One of his sons held his father in his arms, so that he could sit up in bed. I marveled at the gentleness of the son who was visibly moved during our time there. It was also very apparent that the old man felt cared for – especially as his son held him.

Last Saturday I had my introduction to another aspect of my diaconal ministry – interviewing witnesses and couples before marriage. Padre German had me sit in as he did the interview. It is daunting but I think I know what to do. Already I have three couples whom I’ll be interviewing with their witnesses.

For many years I have been preparing materials for the parish – and beyond. I am working with two young priests to prepare materials for next year for the base communities, based on the Sunday readings. We met at my house to begin the process. It was great to be able to work with two fine young priests – who enjoyed my lentil soup.

After Padre German got back from the Conference on the Family, he was intent on doing something more on the family. So he called a meeting for the missionaries in the parish, whose who had gone on mission to other villages in the past year, to have them organize pastoral outreach to families in their own villages for the month of August, which here is celebrated as the month of the family. And he asked me – on Monday – to prepare a presentation on Pope Francis’ exhortation on the family, Amoris Laetitia, for Friday. After two days of prayer, study, and reading, I pulled together something. It wasn’t as participative as I like, but I tried to capture the spirit and the spirituality of Pope Francis on the family.

Last Monday, I went to La Entrada for a meeting of some clergy who will be forming a Reflection Group to meet and look at the situation of the diocese and the country – partly on the social, political, and economic situation.

I took advantage of my trip to spend a few hours with the Franciscan sisters in La Entrada. It was great to have a long talk with Sister Nancy, especially sharing some of the challenges I see with some of the people here. It is so good to have good friends to help me work through ministry questions and challenges. It also helps that we speak in English.

I continue to find life here in Plan Grande to be a blessing. The community is open and I enjoy talking with people – and kidding around with the kids and young people – often greeting them as I drive to a meeting. Here are some children dressed for the celebration of Lempira, the indigenous leader killed by the Spaniards.

My little prayer space is a real sanctuary of quiet – a place to gather strength, especially in the quiet of the morning.

And the views from the house continue to amaze me – God’s creation is a real blessing and refreshes my heart - even as I watch the rain clouds approaching.

There is much more that I could write, but I’ll stop here.