Deacon reflection 7

I never thought I’d be doing this

I have been a deacon for a little more than four years. There have been a few highlights during those times, but I’d like to write about what have been two areas of my diaconal ministry that have moved me. They are also areas where I am surprised by my way of connecting with people.

Funerals

With only one priest in the parish, who tries to visit all the more than forty-five villages in the parish every two months, there are times when he cannot be present for funeral Mass. In many villages, a Delegate of the Word presides at a Celebration of the Word, There are not many who seek a Mass or a Celebration with Communion, outside of the main towns in the parish.

I have made myself available for funerals and, at times, the pastor or a delegate of the Word calls me to come. There is not much time for preparation, since people are usually buried within twenty-hours of their death. Often I don’t know the person who died, though there have been times when I had visited the deceased, bringing them communion.

Being present in times of loss is important. I try to say a few words of comfort and of hope. But there is a line in the prayer in the funeral rite that touches me almost every time I preside.

As the family gathers around the casket to pray the final commendation, the church prays:

“May the Lord be merciful with our brother/sister, so that, free from death, absolved by his/her sins, reconciled with the Father and carried on the shoulders of the Good Shepherd, he/she may merit to enjoy the eternal joy of the saints in the entourage of the eternal King.” (My translation).

Often I ask the family to visualize their loved one on the shoulders of Christ the Good Shepherd or held like a child in Christ’s loving arms.

Many times I have been asked to pray in the homes where they have been waking the body of the person who died. I usually do a short Celebration of the Word  with one reading and the rites of commendation of the body. 

Often there are many people - in the room where the coffin is and outside - to accompany the family. These times of prayer can be extremely moving and it is important to be there. Earlier this year I prayed beside the small coffin of a still born infant. 

Marriage preparation

Though I have been helping in the Dulce Nombre parish for years, I didn’t notice many sacramental marriages until last year.

I’m not sure why there are so few couples married in the church. Some possible reasons might include one or more of these:  fear of the commitment of a sacramental marriage; the cost of a civil marriage (since a sacramental marriage cannot take place without the civil marriage usually witnessed by a mayor); the expectations of a costly celebration; the lack of invitation by local church leaders – some of who only castigate people for “living in fornication”; not a strong sense of dating; the lack of a culture of marriage; many years without the presence of priests in rural villages except for a few times a year; and more.

Yet I often encourage couples to get married in the church. I have often seen young men around the church door while their wives are inside with one or two kids. I jokingly ask them if they are married and when they say know I gently urge them to consider this.

The process might be a bit daunting. The couple meets with the pastor, then they have about three months of weekly meetings with a couple in their village. Then there is the interview of the couple as well as two witnesses, who know the couple. They also have to be married civilly before their church marriage.

Since my ordination, I have been doing the final interview. This interview, with two witnesses, is to see if they are ready for the sacrament and also to see if there are any obstacles to marriage. At times this has been perfunctory. But recently, I have been finding it inspiring.

In one distant village – one hour by car from my house – six couples began meeting at least a year ago, reflecting on their faith and talking about getting married in the church. At first, they got some flak from the church leaders in their village who didn’t like the idea of people in fornication meeting together without a designated church leader. I, on the other hand, was delighted that some people were taking the initiative. Finally, the local leaders did not resist the formation of these couples in preparation for the sacrament of matrimony. But then the pandemic and the lock downs came.

As I got permission to go out on ministry Mondays through Fridays, I told the communities that I would come out and do the interviews in their villages. So far I have done eight interviews. In a few cases, one of the spouses is not baptized. I’ve met with the unbaptized to follow up on preparation in their villages. I’ve baptized one young man a few weeks ago a few days before his wedding. I’ll be baptizing two women in the next few weeks, the day before five couples are married in their village.

It has been so good to talk with these and try to help them see the presence of God in their relationships and, in many cases, their children.

Though I don’t preside at the celebrations of many marriages, these encounters are a real part of my diaconal ministry.

OTHER MINISTRIES

These two areas of diaconal ministry are really important. People need to feel the presence of the church in their lives – accompanying them in times of loss and in times of joy.

They are not alone. The Church is with them – and values them. The Church wants to share their sorrows and their joys.